1001 days ago (approximately 2.75 years), I set out on a 101 in 1001 journey – 101 goals I wanted to accomplish in the next 1001 days. I started on January 1, 2009, which brought me all the way to September 29, 2011 – a date that seemed quite far away. Even though I didn’t purposely set it up in this fashion, I loved the symmetry – starting on the new year according to the Gregorian calendar, and ending on Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year. There were tasks I was positive I’d accomplish, some which I hoped to, and others which I thought might be a long shot, but I was confident I’d tackle my way through most of the list.
Fail.
Big, fat, monstrous, depressing, huge fail.
Every single one of the goals I was most interested in accomplishing related to my professional career and life with Husband, and I didn’t meet a single one. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. 1001 days ago, I could not possibly wrap my head around the idea that I would still be in graduate school. There was no way I would still be one of those terrifying seventh year graduate students. I figured I’d certainly have killed myself before getting to this point.
My program requires the acceptance of a first author paper prior to obtaining permission to write. Because I have not yet accomplished this, I haven’t even been able to attempt the following off my 101 in 1001 list:
1. Learn to love science again.
6. Submit a paper as first author and have paper accepted.
8. Successfully defend thesis – become Disgruntled Julie, Ph.D.
9. Regardless of when I defend, return to D.C. for graduation ceremonies.
10. Figure out what I want to do post graduate school.
12. Find a job in desired field in Philadelphia area.
20. Move to Philadelphia to live with Husband.
21. Buy a house or condo.
22. Buy/lease/inherit (from Husband) a car if we are not living in a public transportation friendly neighborhood.
23. Find a synagogue we like and become members.
24. Actually drag Husband to services at said synagogue.
25. Establish long-term primary care physician in Philadelphia.
26. Make new friends in Philadelphia.
27. Host major holiday dinner at our new abode in Philadelphia.
101. Be happy with whom I am and the direction my life is taken.
Sure, there are many other things on the list that I did accomplish… but they were the cherry on top of the goals that really mattered. These aforementioned list of un-accomplishable tasks – that’s the entire rest of the sundae. The cherry may be lovely, but it’s merely an accoutrement. A sundae without a cherry is still delicious. A sundae without the ice cream, caramel sauce, hot fudge, whipped cream, and sprinkles is… well… just plain depressing. If I order a sundae and get only a cherry, you better believe I’m going to ask for a refund. That pretty much sums up how I’ve felt about the past 2.75 years of my life – this isn’t what I ordered, so I’d like a refund, please.
Oh sweetie. That's the most frustrating feeling. I know you'll accomplish great things -- I hope that counts for something!!
ReplyDeletexo--
my order was messed up too when you do find the refund line send me a whisper and let me know where it is. i've just been considering re-ordering. i hope you get your ice cream soon! (i love the analogy)
ReplyDeleteIt totally sucks when things do not go remotely how you want them too. Hang in there - it's got to get better at some point!
ReplyDelete101 goals in 1001 days? Madness. I hope you succeeded with goal 82 and restarted the piano. That has been my goal nmber 3 or 4 for years and I never got there. If a first author paper is your priority don't aim too high. PlOS One is fine if it gets you out of jail. The most important thing is to do what you love and if science isn't it, get out. I don't think that "learning to love science again" (no. 1) is a very good goal, but "being happy with who I am..." (no.101) is an excellent one. Hope things go well.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I tried to do a "30 while 30" and failed miserably. Felt so bad afterwards! Finishing my PhD was also on that list, as well as getting engaged/starting wedding planning and find a job I love. My parents both got sick last year (and are still sick), so that threw me out of the loop as well. For now, I stopped working towards the PhD, it was just to much. We will see...
ReplyDeleteOuch. This sucks, Julie. I finally got to (1), but only after starting my post-doc, with a lovely supervisor. Hang in there. I hope the elusive paper comes into reach soon.
ReplyDeleteAs a person who took 7 years to finish her PhD I sympathize! It will eventually happen. As for your number 1 it comes and goes for me too. As a second year post-doc I'm still figuring out what to do. Hang in there!!! It will get better. I admire your courage!
ReplyDeleteI am in my 7th year now too and really had thought I'd had been out by now. . .but still no paper and no degree. . .you're not the only one!
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