Best of luck to all the 4th year medical students out there, like our very own Mudphudder, who find out where they matched for residency tomorrow. I spent my evening calling and emailing my list of friends in the match; my husband invited a friend of his from elementary school who is now a 4th year here at our university over for lunch and video games to help take his mind off of the big day tomorrow. It’s quite nerve-wracking that so many years of your life are determined by what is written on a slip of paper, which everyone opens simultaneously across the country at noon (EST)… so drop by and wish Mudphudder good luck!
![IMG_1741[5]wtmk](http://lh5.ggpht.com/-bVPbxqRL768/TiTAGZID1dI/AAAAAAAABk0/BGgmOf4-7LA/s1600-h/IMG_1741%25255B5%25255Dwtmk%25255B4%25255D.jpg "IMG_1741[5]wtmk")
Husband’s friend tries to use window light to read through his envelope… with no success
It’s hard to believe that it has been only a year since Husband matched, and how our thoughts have completely reversed. As much as I knew going into it that he would likely not match in D.C. (he didn’t think he had a good shot to match in programs in the D.C. area because they were too competitive, so he did not rank them at the top), opening the envelope and seeing with 100% certainty that he would be moving away for sure was still so disappointing, and it was really challenging for me to see him so happy and call everyone and talk about how thrilled he was to be moving back to Philadelphia and how he couldn’t wait to move “home” to be with his “family” – I kind of wanted to punch him in the face and point out that while we may not be blood related, you really can’t get much more FAMILY than your wife, and moving to Philadelphia means he was moving AWAY from the person who was legally defined as his most immediate family member. But I also understood that for him, it was exciting to be moving on from medical school and furthering his career and that the long-distance marriage was the furthest thing from his mind, so I kept my mouth shut and plastered on a fake smile for the day.
But, because I faced what was coming, I have also very much come to terms with the fact that in two months, he will be moving away. And you know what? It’s okay. Yes, it will be hard. With our schedules and working weekends, it’s not going to be the type of long-distance marriage where we can see each other every weekend – our goal is one weekend a month… and that’s not a lot, but over the past nine months, I’ve had plenty of time to prepare. Husband, on the other hand, was so focused on how much he hated his intern year and couldn’t wait to start his actual residency and move “home” that he seemed to totally forget that I wouldn’t be going with him. One day, out of the blue, it was like it just hit him, and he broke down in tears, and now the tune has changed to one of not wanting June to come, because it means he has to leave. Sadly, he is learning that in life, you cannot always have your cake, and eat it too.
What a difference a year makes.
Very well said! I once dated a med student (now doctor/before S.O./bad relationship!) and he always talked about matching someplace random and moving away... and then we broke up and he matched HERE... can you say IRONY?! Anyways, I also have to say that I absolutely love the dress you are wearing in the match day picture.
ReplyDeleteGood luck 4th years! Our match is still two years away and I'm already stressed about it. I've started contingency plans based on what ifs floating around my mind and can't even imagine what it will be like when that day is actually here! What did you do to keep yourself sane while the plan for the next few years of your life was being started by the match?
ReplyDeleteI remember all the stress around the match. It's all so difficult to have the next few years of your life determined by something you have so little control over. Also, I understand the hitting you all at once thing. Happened to me when we were looking for a place for Dr. Man to live in FormerResidencyTown. The long-distance thing wasn't too bad. We were able to see each other 2 weekends/month (as it ended up working out). And Dr. Man got much better at calling, emailing, etc. Anyhow, I'll stop rambling. And just wish all 4th years good luck today!
ReplyDeleteI have no words, it seems trite to say "Well, that totally sucks". Obviously, huh. Nonetheless, I pray all goes well over this rough next few years. In the end you can only be made stronger by it!
ReplyDeleteThat's really tough - I couldn't imagine my husband moving away from me for x amount of time. Hopefully you have a good phone plan! :)
ReplyDeleteForgive me for being ignorant, but who will be done first - his residency or your PhD?
Aww...I'm glad your post had a happy (and sad) ending, with the husband coming around and realizing how much he would miss you!
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling. The boyfriend and I started off our relationship practically living with each other, with our houses five minutes apart, to now living two hours away from each other. It was mean, but I was really hoping he wouldn't get the fantastic job that he couldn't refuse. It sucks, but we do usually spend two weekends a month together.
ReplyDeleteThere is lots of compromising and careful lab scheduling involved...and several arguments have been had (mostly over the lab winning several weekends in a row) and more are expected to come as I finish up, but you become accustomed...
So good luck to the fourth years and good luck to you guys!
I always love looking back on pictures of fake smiles in our family. Way to go for being such a strong and supportive person. It's not easy; I know that. Maybe you can learn something about yourself or develop a part of you that might not have come about otherwise. (That's me looking at the bright side of something so tough)
ReplyDeleteKatie
Wow, what a crappy situation. At the very least, you two will be so busy that hopefully the time will pass quickly. And supposedly couples that live apart fight less frequently, so that's good, right? You have a great attitude about it. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to thank you for your kind thoughts, although I'm sorry to say about a month late on my part (so typical male).
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about how the match worked out for you and hubby although I guess it was his first choice, so congratulations are also in order (I gotta make up my mind here).
Anyway, hopefully circumstances will workout that you can re-unite soon. If it makes you feel better, I suspect he will be hit harder by this than you. And I don't just mean by the fact that you will probably find him wallowing in a pigsty eating beans out of a can when you go up there to visit him. We of the male species, while tough and thick skinned on the outside, are all big babies on the inside so I'm sure he will miss you considerably.
Julie - I always thought it would be really ironic if Husband and I broke up... and he wound up staying in DC. But then when we actually got married, it sealed the deal that he wound settle down in Philly (since I hate Philly and am totally dreading living there for the rest of my life).
ReplyDeleteJennifer - Honestly, I knew that for the short term, it really didn't affect me, because no matter where Husband matched, I'd still have a few years left to go in my Ph.D., so my day to day life wouldn't change. And if I can't find a post-doc where he is, well, then we'll still be in a long-distance marriage. So while the marriage side is all up in the air, the rest of my life? Not going to change at all. So I didn't have to do anything to stay sane, because I knew there wasn't really that much to change at all. But if you're going to be immediately moving regardless of where he goes, then I could see why it would be a bit more complicated.
Amanda - I think the hardest thing for me, which I think wasn't a problem for you if I recall your situation, is that we have no idea how long this will last (DrMan was only gone for intern year, and moved back for residency, right?). I almost feel like it would be easier knowing that this will last 3 years, than it actually lasting 1.5 years, but not knowing that it will only take 1.5 years until 1.25 years into it, if that makes any sense at all. There's no way to count down, when things get rough, no way to say that we're X months into it with only Y months to go, no way to PLAN anything. And at this University, even after you defend, most students still have 4-5 months of work to do afterward, so it's not like I can pack up and leave, so it leaves us no good time to start househunting (and it's a really shitty situation for when you can appropriately start looking for a job, too). If I had a relative month (year, even) for when this would end, I think this would be light-years easier. Plus, not knowing means that Husband already puts all the stress on me by telling me that if it takes too long it is my "fault", which is really quite shitty of him... when things don't work in the lab, if I am already working 80+ hours/week, I don't think I can be blamed.
Without Adornment - He will have 4 years of residency in Philadelphia, plus a year or two of fellowship. I'll have 4 years of my Ph.D. done already. I BETTER be done first. If it takes me 10 years to finish my Ph.D., I WILL strangle my advisor, hack his body into pieces, and dump them into the Potomac.
Mudphudder - While your comment did make me laugh, he actually won't be wallowing in a pigsty eating beans out of a can. Because he is almost $250K in debt from medical school, and we'd like to try to pay this back as soon as possible, when I say he is moving home for residency, I don't just mean home as in Philadelphia... I mean home... as in HOME... to mommy's house. As in, a married doctor... living with his mother (every Jewish mother's dream... she seriously can't wait). So while I am living on my own, fending for myself, without my grocery store eating my crackers with 8 year old ketchup packets, he'll be at home with his mother's housekeeping service. Lucky bastard. I WANT TO SEE SOME WALLOWING IN A PIGSTY, DAMNIT. This also means that when we're aiming to see each other once a month, and we'll alternate between traveling to see each other, every other visit will be me, going to see him.... and our time together will also involve hanging out with his mother. Oh, boy!
Yikes @ your cut and paste bad photoshopped pic of yourself.
ReplyDelete(shudders)