Last night, I made a grave, unfortunate, absent-minded error. A lapse of judgment which I hoped I could continue to avoid forever. Unfortunately, no such luck.
I locked myself out.
You see, last night was an extremely rare event indeed, because I was going out. As in, would be located somewhere other than my condo or the lab. As in, would be seeing people other than my labmates, eating food I didn’t cook for myself, and drinking way too many margaritas at our favorite local Mexican restaurant in celebration of Good Friend’s paper acceptance.
I left the lab later than anticipated (just like every other day of my life), and didn’t actually have time to shower, but felt the need to scrub the lab germs off anyway. In fifteen minutes, I managed to half-dry my hair (I have a lot of hair and it takes quite a long time to actually dry), throw on clothes, and was on the way out the door on the phone with said Friend, planning to meet her outside her apartment building. But in my I’m-running-late-and-I’m-actually-going-out excitement, I stuffed my wallet in my purse, had my phone in the hand, and left. The second the door shut, I realized my keys were still sitting inside in my little catch-all dish on the table.
Damn.
Okay, fine. I can solve this. I keep a spare key in the lab! So, I walked the mile back to the lab, and waited around outside for someone to let me into the building, as my building ID swipey-card thingie was also locked in my condo. Once inside, I located our extra lab key in Extra Secret Hidden Location on the floor, let myself in, and secured my spare house key. Returning back to my building, I had to wait another 15 minutes for someone to exit the building (my key fob was also locked inside, naturally), excitedly ran to my door, put the key in the lock, and… it didn’t turn.
My spare key failed me. @*$#!!!!!
Of course, this all happened on a night when Husband was on overnight call and would not be returning until noonish the following afternoon… and of course, this month he is rotating out at Hospital in Virginia, to which I cannot get by foot or Metro, my two modes of transportation. Damn again.
Luckily for me, I have great friends. Great friends who happen to be accountants and never have exciting plans on a Friday (at least, according to those of us who do not consider doing taxes on a Friday to be exciting) and happens to live 5 minutes away from Hospital in Virginia. Several phone calls later (from phones borrowed from random people I didn’t know walking in and out of my condo, because OF COURSE at that point in time my phone chose to just up and die, despite having a full battery charge), and Friend successfully met Husband outside the ER, picked up his set of keys, drove them over to me. He is, officially, my hero. (He also commented how strange it was seeing Husband in full-on doctor garb, with his scrubs and his long white coat, looking like he actually could save lives or something. The fact that people trust their lives with my husband also completely blows my mind, as I only see the side of him that cannot do laundry without shrinking everything and absolutely cannot make a grilled cheese sandwich without burning down the house.)
We were still able to make it out to the margarita celebration, have way too many pitchers, and he crashed on my couch for the night. Which was an extra bonus for me, because then he drove me to lab first thing this morning!
The moral of the story: thank goodness I have a friend who is even nerdier than I am. And, on that note, I’m going to go to the hardware store across the street right now while I am still thinking of it, and see if I can actually get a functional copy of my key made. And if it works, I am going to make 10 more, and distribute them to everyone I know, so that I am prepared once Husband moves away, because I’m pretty sure I don’t have any friends willing to drive 3+ hours each way just to get a key for me.
I feel your pain. Last year I left keys with almost everyone I knew, because I'm notorious for locking myself out. I'm glad that you had plans last night. I'm sure they beat my falling asleep on the couch while hacking up a lung.
ReplyDeleteBrutal! I'm also very good at locking myself out - it usually happens when I need something inside or I've come home from university and really have to go to the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that your friends helped out and that you had fun at Margarita night!
I am notorious for losing my keys, or locking them in the car, etc. It is so nice to have such great friends to help you! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how to say this. I'm a fairly new reader of your blog, and because I've read your posts in quick succession, I think I have a bit of a different perspective.
ReplyDeleteBut here it is. I think you may be putting down your husband way too much, and it is making you think less of him, which in turn is making you disgruntled.
I know when you wrote "cannot do laundry without shrinking everything and absolutely cannot make a grilled cheese sandwich without burning down the house" you were kidding. However, going over your posts, I saw that you were saying things like this way too often.
You are miserable that he is a picky eater, yet has you do all the cooking. You say (and probably are) better at all the chores, so you do them all, and then complain.
You have to let him help you. I know when things are not going well (as they tend to do) in the lab, you want to feel in control of your life. But do you have to take all the responsibilities upon yourself? Isn't it the point of a marriage to share you life - the good AND the bad? The vacations AND the chores?
He is obviously not unhelpful or incompetent. He managed to get through med school, for goodness' sakes! He can help you out - if you let him. He'll shrink the first 5 laundries, but then will learn, and never will again. He may have a few dishes he actually likes to make, and would love to make FOR you - if you appreciate him, and don't just say that you could do it faster/better/with less cleanup.
Julie, you can give yourself a lot more time if you let him in on what you feel.
Instead of ranting here (though it's certainly useful sometimes), tell HIM how you feel. He's the only one who has the power to change your home situation.
He may not realize that you are not happy with the status quo. Let him know, and maybe it will work out much better for both of you.
LOL.. I did that once too. I had just gotten home from lab, having left early at ~8PM because I was so exhausted I just wanted to chill at home and do nothing. Unf, I was so tired I didn't even realize I had forgotten my laptop in my car till after I was in my apartment, so I ran out and realized my keys were still in my apartment when I got to my car.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, I couldn't get hubby's copy since he lives 5 hrs away, but thanks to a labmate who happened to have the same landlord, I got said Landlords home number and my friend drove over and picked up my keys.
I now have a set of house keys in lab too, "just in case".
Glad you had a night off... I am an avid reader of your blog and you don't get enough of those, which oddly enough, makes me feel better because your life is so much like mine and it makes me feel like I'm not alone. Although.. you do cook a lot more :)
Amanda, WithoutAdornment, and Kaitlyn - It makes me feel so much better to hear that others lock themselves out as well. :) I am happy to report that the new keys work, and will be distributed shortly. Having never locked myself out before, I have no reason to logically expect this to be a regular occurrence, but of course I will be paranoid from now on!
ReplyDeleteLabness - For starters, I think your comment was rather inappropriate to post and would have been better suited for an email (you know, in that contact link at the top). But since you do not have an email link on your blog, I will reply here.
A) I am not disgruntled because of my home life. I love my marriage and I love my home life. If I am going to complain about anything, it is that I rarely get to see my husband as is, and then we will hardly EVER see each other once he moves away, and that sucks. I am disgruntled because of my lab life, and unless my husband can magically make my proteins cooperate (which I do not think he can do, as he has no biochemistry training), my relationship with him is independent of the disgruntled area of my life.
B) Actually, I wasn't kidding about his inability to do laundry without shrinking things or make grilled cheese without burning down the house. HE acknowledges this about himself and jokes about it all the time, thereby making me feel it is perfectly fine to discuss it on my blog. I am not kidding -- the man cannot cook. When I am in lab late and I call home and beg him to cook dinner, he gives me the option of PB&J or oatmeal, because that is ALL he can make. He cannot make grilled cheese, because he is too impatient to wait for the bread to grill, so he turns it up super high, chars the bread to a black crisp, and the cheese doesn't even melt. Not an exaggeration. And he is not offended by me saying this, because he knows it is true. There are other things at which he is good, and I will ALWAYS give him credit for this. He is great at cleaning. He doesn't do it too much (what man does?), but when he has friends coming to visit, he can scrub a toilet until it sparkles. He always loads the dishwasher after dinner and washes the pots and pans. This is what he does, since he cannot cook.
C) Can you please tell me where I say that I am "miserable" because he is a "picky eater"? I am not sure where you are getting this from, because he is not, and while I dislike doing all the cooking, I am far from miserable. He does not like vegetables, but that describes most of the male population. Sure, it sucks that he doesn't like squash or eggplant, two of my most favorite foods, but if you notice, most of the recipes I post include soy in lieu of actual meat, and he ALWAYS eats this without complaining. There are a lot of people who are turned off by soy instead of meat, and I am quite thankful that my husband is not. Okay, fine, so I also find his shrimp allergy a bit frustrating, but so does he, as he actually loves shrimp.
D) I have never said that he is incompetent. I am also not sure what getting through medical school has to do with anything, as there is a HUGE difference between intelligence (Husband is one of the smartest individuals I have ever met, hands down) and common sense and survival skills (even my husband's mother says she is so glad I met him early on in life, because he would have starved to death or died under a pile of dirty laundry without me). Husband is brilliant, and kind-hearted, and a wonderful friend when anyone needs a shoulder on which to lean. He is just not helpful in many areas around the house, because he was spoiled rotten as a kid. He has never mowed a lawn, or cooked a dinner, or painted a wall, or fixed anything around the house, because his mother never wanted him to do so. That's not HIS fault, but now when he works 90-100 hours/week, and all he wants to do is come home and sleep, he is NOT in the mood to learn how to do these things. And yes, it sucks that it all gets dumped on my shoulders, but I have "more time" than he does. I have asked for help with cooking in the past, and he will not do it. If you would like his email address, or his cell phone, I would be happy to provide it to you, so he can tell you directly that it is something he just won't do, no matter how much I have asked. I have never, EVER said that I can do it "faster/better/with less cleanup" - do not put words into my mouth. I do it because I am the only person in this household who will, because I am not willing to eat only either PB&J or oatmeal for the rest of my life. I do not like your insinuation that I am such a control freak that I won't ask my husband for help when I need it. There are things my husband does, and he does GREAT, but he is not interested in adding to the repertoire of things he is capable of doing. When I ask him to help cook, and offer to teach him, and he flat out says no, what am I supposed to do? Should I threaten to divorce him if he does not comply? Should I put him in time-out in the corner, or call his mommy? Praytell, what is the solution here, since you seem to have analyzed my marriage based on reading a few blog posts.
Labness, I know that you are only trying to offer up advice, but I honestly have no idea from where you are getting many of your "facts". I have never once posted that I do not ask my husband for help when I need it. I have never once stated that he is incompetent at what he does and I do not want him to cook because he is too slow or not good at it or makes too much of a mess -- rather, HE is the one who does not cook, but, instead, he is always willing to clean afterward. I have never once said that I do not let him help me, or that I do not tell him how I feel. Yes, his unwillingness to help is frustrating, but if you read through comments, I have also said many times that I know it will pay off in the end -- after residency, he will work fewer hours than I will, and then he will have more time than I will to drop off/pick up/run errands for future children. I would not have entered this marriage if I knew the entire relationship would be 80% me/20% him. I entered it knowing that it would even out in the end. This is my blog, and while things are rough in the beginning, I am going to post about what is frustrating. Ten years down the road when my husband is helping out with the children far more than I am able to do with my schedule (though, I promise you, he will still not be cooking), I will be praising him. If you do not want to read about what I have to say at this point, you are welcome to stop reading, but I am not going to change what I write just to make you happy.
Leaky Pipeline -- Thanks for your comment! I hadn't come across your blog before, but will most definitely be following now. Isn't it sad when leaving at 8pm is the definition of "early"? I see you are in a long-distance marriage -- let me know if you have any tips for surviving. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to know that my lack of a social life makes you feel better, LOL!
I am *terrified* that I will look myself out of my apartment. I actually haven't done this before (car is another story), but not having N.A. around with an extra set of keys makes me very paranoid that I will get locked out. Glad you have such great friends!
ReplyDeleteAh, what an experience! You are not the first (or last) person to do this, so don't feel too bad :) I haven't locked myself out (recently), but I did lose my phone in a cab in Chicago recently and was beside myself!
ReplyDeleteI have just found your blog through Julie's One Day at a Time blog. So I have to ask -- did you get all those duplicate keys made yet? :-) I locked myself out once -- just once -- and we got one of those lockbox things to keep outside. Now if I ever need it all I have to do is call the hubster and ask him what the code it! lol Okay I don't usually forget keys but I don't do numbers! Glad to find your blog! I'll definitely be back to visit again :)
ReplyDeleteUR - Well, since you will be moving back with NA soon (YAAAY!) I guess that means you will always have someone with keys nearby. :) Now, if you can just last until the summer!
ReplyDeleteJulie - I've never lost my phone, but the day before my wedding, my phone completely died. As in, would not turn on, ever again. And of course, all the vendors had my number as a point of contact. And since we got married on a Sunday, in downtown Philadelphia, there were no AT&T stores open, so I just had to go phone-less for the day (and the next month, actually, until I was back from the honeymoon and settled back down in DC).
Prof S - Welcome aboard! New readers left and right - yay! I did go and get three WORKING copies of the key made this afternoon, although they stick in the lock so badly that I needed pliers to wrench them out of the lock! But, they turned it open, so they serve the purpose. Not particularly useful for an everyday key, but for an "oh-no-locked-out-who-has-a-spare-key" moment, they will serve just fine. The lockbox is a great idea -- perhaps when we have a house someday, I'll look into it (or, you know, hide the key in the flowerpot in the backyard). Living in a condo has the huge disadvantage of no good hiding places! I look forward to catching up with you on your blog!
Oh everyone does that. When monkey was only a couple months old, my BFF was going out to visit us. I was stressed about being on time, so I packed up the truck with monkeys diaper bag and stroller while he was having his morning nap. The plan was that he would wake up nurse and then we would go. Since the diaper bag had both my wallet, cell phone, and house keys in it, I locked the truck before going back into the house. When we were ready to leave, I was so focused on making sure monkey was OK, alarm was on, coat was grabbed that I walked out of the house WITHOUT the truck keys. My house was locked with truck keys inside and the truck was locked with the house keys inside...
ReplyDeleteHi Julie, I am a reader for quite a while but I'm a desperate lurker. Nice new posters convinced me it was ok to write something :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I lived at home I was desperate for locking myself out. I was forever leaving my keys in the lab. Now that I live on my own, I'm much better. I think my past uselessness has made me super paranoid-I check I have my keys about three times before leaving the lab! That said, I still do it every six sonths or so. Hurray for reliable housemates. And spare lab keys.
ScientistMother - I remember when I was 6, my mother did the same thing -- locked the car keys in the house, and the house keys in the car. We had to get our next-door neighbor to get his ladder and break into our second-story window. He was totally my hero!
ReplyDeleteLab Pixie - Welcome! I'm glad everyone is delurking, on account of my stupidity. :) One of my working keys will DEFINITELY be going into the lab first thing tomorrow morning!
Here are your Q's, I'm a "new" reader, so if you've answered stuff in past posts, i'm super sorry.
ReplyDelete1. Do you ever get annoyed at husbands inability to cook / learn to cook?
2. Do regret starting you PhD?
3. What would you be doing if you didn't go into science?
4. what would a perfect dinner be?
this last question everyone is getting because I love it.
If you could invite any person (living or dead) for dinner, who would you invite?
When I was about 10, one of my brothers locked us out while we were all in the garden -- he went inside, dropped the keys, and shut the door on his way out. My dad's office was just down the road, so it shouldn't have been a problem. Except that he had left for a business trip, and my mom didn't know... we had to get a lock and key service in the end.
ReplyDeleteNow I have spare keys in the lab, just in case.
what a shame your friend was imposed on by your selfish stupidity. it sounds like you mostly think of yourself. i hope after making that poor guy drive 3 hours one way to help you out of your foolish mess that you at least gave him a good blowjob out of it so he could sleep well. im sure you probably gave him nothing, not even money for gas, why? because you were too busy taking care and thinking about yourself and blaming your husband, when you are the problem
ReplyDeleteif you werent so cheap and brain dead, you could have paid a locksmith to open your door. but why waste money on a locksmith when you can dog your friends and waste their time and money instead of your own? wow you are ignorant and selfish, no wonder your husband is gone all the time. i bet he has some hot tail he is after, and deservedly so. hes probably tired of all the weight you put on, and all your selfishness and fool hardy acts. i hope he gets plenty of good tail
ReplyDelete