More Buzz than a Beehive

I think this week more rumors are being produced in the labs than actual research. With the director leaving so soon (December 1^st), individuals are beginning to panic and things are becoming frantic. On two separate occasions now, I have witnessed post-docs walking through the hall with a stack of CVs, handing them out to the PIs who will be staying, practically begging for positions in their labs. It’s hard to stay calm and remain convinced that things will not fall apart when this is the atmosphere by which I am surrounded.

In the lab meeting this week, our PI sat down and told us what he knew about the situation, and stopped to ask those of us in his lab (the post-docs, lab techs, and lowly graduate students) if we had any questions regarding the loss of the director. While I personally couldn’t think of any to ask, it was reassuring to know that had I thought of one, there would be someone willing to attempt to answer. This is not the first situation in which I have questioned my right to dig into larger issues. Let’s face it -- as a first year PhD student, I’m at the bottom of the ladder here (okay, so technically masters’ students are probably even slightly below me – strictly because they are only here for one year and then graduate and move on, so they don’t share the same long-term concerns that the PhD students do) and I often find myself asking whether or not it is appropriate for me to inquire about certain things.

For example, I have been thinking quite a lot lately about the lab in which I should do my third, and hopefully final, rotation. I’d really like to make it count – not that I haven’t enjoyed my first two rotations, but I am hoping that I really click with my last rotation and find a lab that I know is right for me (yes, I realize how naive that is and that it won’t actually happen). There is a PI with whom I am interested in working, and had discussed the potential about doing a lab rotation back in May – but since then, several faculty members had warned me that he may not have the funding at this time to support a graduate student (after our second year, our stipend is picked up by our thesis lab, and while many students get their own grants, I’m not sure I’m ready to take that leap of faith in my own scientific competency that I can actually get my own grant – I want to know that my PI can support me if my grant proposal is turned down!). If I am going to rotate with him, I want to know that I can financially go into that lab if I decide to – but how do I address the question? Am I just supposed to walk in and say “Hi Dr. X., I’m really interested in your research and your lab, but well, can you afford me?” Clearly, I would word it a tad more eloquently, but the thought of walking in and asking about funds, even if it is done indirectly, still makes me feel needy and whiney, like I’m some kind of high-maintenance girl making sure the latest boyfriend-of-the-month can afford to keep me living the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. I feel like it is an important question and I have the right to know the answer – but how am I supposed to appropriately address the issue? Coming out and asking feels so… direct and forward and not within my rights as a first year student. How am I supposed to question grant funding when I’m still so old-fashioned as to call all the faculty members as Dr. So-and-So even though within the program itself, everybody just addresses them by their first name? I know that in grad school, nobody walks you through the process, but I wish I had a better idea of the guidelines between looking out for your own future and inquiring appropriately and looking like a self-absorbed inappropriate ass.

On a lighter note, I got my free university-sponsored flu shot on Wednesday. Because something like 87% of the population is right-handed, the chairs at all the stations were set up to get the shot in your left arm, and because I am completely oblivious, I just sat down without thinking it through. It dawned on me, however, after the nursing student had cleaned off the spot and had the needle out and was about to inject, that as a left-handed individual who tends to get sore arms following shots, I should get the flu shot in my right arm. The sane response would be “Oh, excuse me, I’m left handed, so can I get this in the other arm?” But we all know purely by the fact that I thought it would be a good idea to go for my PhD in oncology that clearly, I am not sane, and my response upon realizing this was to jump up and squeal “Oh! That’s my pipetting side! Can I get it in my right arm?” Yes, my first thought was not that I am left-handed in terms of writing or any other daily required activities – it was that my left arm is used for pipetting. Apparently, laboratory bench work has taken over as the #1 most important use for my left hand.